Many of you, who used to keep up with my articles, may have noticed that I have been gone from the Vine for a very long time. There are many reasons for that; mostly because my life has been a Crazy Crap Storm for the last four years. Much of the time, I have been too hurt by things that have happened to be able to contribute to the community in a productive way, so I have just come here and occasionally read a couple of articles, but it's been rare. At any rate, this is what I have been through and endured over the last four years:
~After my grandparents died in mid-2008, I went into a big depression, as some of you may remember. During this time, I also graduated from college, accepted my first nursing job, and eventually resigned that job due to the depression. In the spring of 2009, my husband began an affair with a woman he was working with. I discovered the affair on July 25, 2009 and the time since then has been full of ups and downs for me. I made the decision to stay with my husband and we have since discovered many things about him. First and foremost, he was abused as a child. He never dealt with that issue until he sought counseling (after the affair). Secondly, he was diagnosed as a sex addict. This coupled with his wanting to "rescue" me, but being unable to, due to the depression led to him feeling inadequate and he began to really question himself. None of this excuses the affair, but it created a lack of coping skills and boundaries, which led to the affair. My husband stayed at his place of employment until the fall of 2011, when he felt like he had no choice, but to leave. He has taken a much lower paying job. This coupled with the bank screwing up some documents resulted in us losing our home, but it's something we have worked past and I am finally okay with it.
~From the summer of 2009 to present, I have worked every summer at a local Girl Scout Camp. It is one of many things that has helped me get through the last few years :) I love my job and I wouldn't trade it for better pay, any day! Since that time, I have also worked many other jobs; none of which have worked out and have led to me feeling like a failure in many ways, but I am working on that! I was recently offered a job working in a hospital, on a Pediatric Unit. Unfortunately, my heart would not be in it and I would end up resigning the job in a few months; I know this, so I am just avoiding the whole situation. I am currently subbing (very regularly) for one of the local school systems and it is something I LOVE doing! Two of the nursing positions have opened up recently and I applied for them. I am praying and believing that I will get one of these jobs.
~One of the things that has changed in a better way than I ever thought possible, over the last four years, is my faith. At the time of the affair, I found myself questioning many things. Since then, I have gotten back into church and am a born again believer (if you're not, that's fine, but don't use this opportunity to rain on my parade). My faith is in a place it has never been before. I am finally to a place where I do not rely on my husband, or another human being for that matter, as a source of approval. I know that if he would choose to leave tomorrow, I would still be okay (even if the pain of him leaving lasts for a while).
~The biggest struggle that we're currently facing is health crises in two of our kids. Our oldest was diagnosed with a bicuspid aortic valve, after almost four months of chest pain and testing. Although it is not life-threatening, he needs to be monitored closely by the cardiologist. Our youngest child (our daughter) is currently being tested for Celiac Disease...again, not life-threatening, but nerve wracking for all of us.
~As for the kids, otherwise, they are now 12, 9, and (almost) 7! Our oldest is quite the athlete; he ran Cross Country, is on the school Swim Team, and will run Track in the spring. Our middle child is wanting to learn karate, so we're trying to find a good place to get him started. Our daughter will be starting Gymnastics next month (she has to be 7 for the next age group; she already knows all of the stuff for her current age group). They are all doing well in school; even our middle child who has LD. DS12 is an A/B student and made Honor Roll on the last report card :)
So, that's where my crazy life has been, over the last four years and why I haven't been around much. I have gotten a lot of good advice, related to the affair and I consider us completely reconciled, at this point :) I am finally at a good place, where I feel like I can come back to the Vine and actively contribute, in a productive manner. Oh the things one learns to overcome when life takes a turn they weren't expecting.